WHOA!
by Tenshi de Shino
Summary: OMG! Matsumoto? Seriously? Who's the Father?[COMPLETE!]
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own bleach nor any characters of bleach. Enjoi_

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The morning sun shined brightly through the window, touching her beautiful skin to wake her gently. Most people would enjoy the sunlight, but instead Matsumoto cursed the bright sun, covering herself with a thick blanket. The prayed for a few more minutes of rest before working her ass off again, but her wishes were denied as the alarm screamed at her to wake her lazy self up. 

"Gah. Why me...why today..can I just get a little more sleep?" she whined, slapping at the alarm clock. After a few moments longer, she finally gathered the will to get up and shower. As she stood up, she found that gravity too did not like her as she fell back to the bed with a spinning headache. "I wish I didn't use all that sick time..." she muttered to herself.

After 30 minutes of arguing with herself, she finally managed to shower and get ready for the long day of paper work and lecture from the miniature captain about her being tardy yet again. Oh well, at least she could grab something from the mess hall.

Before she could take even one step from her quarters, her body took another turn for the worst as she found herself worshiping the porcelain throne within 2 seconds of almost being out of the door. She pulled her hair back in her best efforts, only a few strands matting to her face with the bulbs of sweat forming with every tightening of her abs and release of whatever was in her stomach (if it wasn't bowels by now). Fifteen minutes of prayer, fifteen minutes of pain, fifteen minutes later, her body shook with fatigue and dehydration from hurling everything that was left in her stomach. "Uuuhhhgg...I really...need to lay...off...sake..."

_20 minutes later_

Finally after over an hour of struggle, she finally made progress of getting to the mess hall to grab a few bites to eat. Since breakfast was just about to end, she figured a grab and go would do fine.

"Uhm, yes. I would like a bagel with two fried eggs on it, jelly, honey, potatoes with an orange slice on it"

The cook quirked a brow at her strange request, though it wasn't highly unusual for members of the 13 gotei to order unusual stuff. She gave him a warm smile. "Oh yeah. Also, can you give me a side of peanut butter too?"

_15 minutes later_

Matsumoto finally arrived at her workstation for 10th division, sighing as she gazed upon the mounds of paperwork needed to be filled out. She laid her head on the desk, sighing heavily wishing she didn't use all her sick time.

"Matsumoto. You're late again."

Another heavy sigh escaped her lips hearing her captain, the boy prodigy, start his lecture with the usual "you're late again" speech. She thought he would have been used to the fact that her and being on time did not get along well, especially when it came to doing boring paperwork and nothing fun like maybe having fun. She felt a surge of some kind of emotion build inside her as he kept lecturing.

"You should know that our job is important in helping the commander keep all paperwork in an organized manner-"

The feeling kept building more and more with each word passing through his lips.

"...You should take a little bit more pride in your work..."

It finally came to a peak as tears welled in her eyes and she gave the loudest whine ever in the history of Soul Society.

"I try and I try and I try" she cried, tears now flowing, "and no matter how hard I work, how much I do, I'm always given more and more paperwork to do! Nobody UNDERSTANDS"

Her gaze burned at Hitsugaya, her fist shook with anger as she stood up. "And I'm FORCED to be LECTURED Day in and Day OUT about how tardy I am, how much I sleep, how I drink! Since when does a KID know what it's like to be in MY shoes?!

Hitsugaya shrank two feet shorter than what he was already seeing Matsumoto enraged like this. He wasn't sure what was going on but he had heard from Hinamori that sometimes women have a condition called PMS and only chocolate help. It happened to be coincidence that he picked up some chocolate on the way to the office and it happened to be unopened. Hitsugaya slowly reached in his coat and pulled a bar of chocolate, holding it out carefully as a peace offering.

"Uhm..M-Matsumoto...w-w-would you like s-s-some..chocolate?"

Her face turned from rage to the cutest girlie face ever as she kindly took the chocolate and bit a piece of it. Within seconds, the evidence of chocolate was the wrapper itself. She smiled again.

"Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun. Now I know I'm late, but totally on top of the paperwork." she kindly said, diving happily into the mounds of papers in front of her. Hitsugaya usually knew when it was that time for Matsumoto, but this... this was very much out of character for her. He hesitantly approached the desk.

"Uhm...Matsumoto...is everything alright?"

"Are you questioning me now?" She was starting to get annoyed again and he didn't have anymore chocolate to tame the best. The only solution he could think of is perhaps 4th division would be able to find out what was going on with her.

"No nononono. Just uhm. Uhm. How about you go see 4th division just to make sure everything is going ok. Take the rest of the day off. I'll take care of all the reports."

"Really, captain?"

"Yes. Just see 4th division and get an excuse note from them so we're both covered, ok? Please?"

Matsumoto gleamed with joy and hugged her miniature sized captain. "For you Captain I will do it."

He gave out a sigh of relief when she left the room. Even though he had his own duties to attend to, he couldn't afford to have an emotional wreck of a vice captain handling such important documents today. Hopefully 4th division could give her something to calm down.

The 4th division was much like a hospital, extremely bland with a sterile scent in the air. She signed herself in and was immediately seated in a room. Before the nurse could give her courteous "the doctor will see you shortly" statement, Matsumoto bolted for the nearest bathroom, holding her stomach and mouth in the process.

The loud gagging, hurls and 'oh gawd's could be heard on the entire floor, making some of the patients nauseated themselves. 15 minutes later she emerged from the bathroom, her face wet from the splashes of water to help wash away some of the 'sickness' she was experiencing. Upon arriving back to the room, she found captain Unohana seated on her rolling stool.

"Matsumoto-san. How long has this been going on?" she asked examining her as she sat. She took in a deep breath, still recovering from all the 'excitement'.

"Well...it just started out the blue today. I think I ate something bad or drank too much sake"

Unohana nodded and gave her a cup. "I'm going to need a sample from you, just to see if there's anything off in your system. I may need to take blood in as well, just so you know. But first, let's do this first."

She sighed in disgust as she always hated the cup. She would have rather given blood than to go with the cup, but at this point there wasn't much choice as her captain agreed to let her off the hook today IF she went to 4th division to get checked out. A few minutes later and grumbles later, Unohana received her specimen and disappeared for a few moments.

She sat there in the blank sterile room. The long que tips, the wooden boards, the charts for the body and different points and the skeleton suspended next to the door. Several minutes later Unohana made her presence back in the room.

"Well everything checks out fine except..."

"Except what?"

Unohana in her gentle manner took Matsumoto's hand and looked into her eyes. "Matsumoto. When was the last time you had your cycle?"

"Well uhm er uhm...eh?"

Unohana sighed then smiled at her. For Matsumoto this couldn't be good if she asked about her cycle and was giving her that look. "No... no no no no no. You can't be serious can you? Captain Unohana. No You. I. It can't"

"Yes Matsumoto. You're pregnant."

There was a great disturbance in the force and soul society knew as Matsumoto screamed to the top of her lungs, loud enough for 3rd and 5th division to hear her screams. Then there was silence.

Unohana embraced the buxom blond, stroking her hair. "It's good news. You're going to be a mother."

"But...but...STRETCH MARKS! And I'll gain WEIGHT and-and"

"And you can get your body back in the same shape again, though your breasts will probably become bigger." The captain smiled to the vice captain overjoyed for Matsumoto. The next question, however, was harder than the first question. "Matsumoto. Do you know who the father is?"

"Uhm...about that..."

* * *

How will Matsumoto cope with this news? Who's the father of the baby? And just how big will her breasts get? (I can only drool while imagining just how big :) ) 


	2. Chapter 2: breaking the news

_Disclaimer: I don't own bleach nor their characters. Enjoi_

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Matsumoto didn't know how to answer that question because well, she didn't know she was pregnant. She looked up at Unohana with a sheepish grin.

"Well uhm...you see...I didn't know I was pregnant until right now and well...er...uhm...you see..."

Unohana sat back on her stool and sighed. "You don't know who the father is, am I correct in assuming?"

She hung her head in a bit of shame. So many night of sake galore and sometimes...half the time...she would somehow make out with some strange person, whether it was guy or girl, somehow her body and mind agreed upon boinking their brains out and the next day she would end up slipping out of their quarters or kicking them out of hers before she had to be in the office. She could remember a few of the faces, but some were very vague as she managed to drink to the point where everything, and everybody, looked like a tasty meal. She let out a heavy sigh with her breast jiggling after the exhale.

"No I don't...but whoever he is, it has to be pretty good looking, right? haha"

Unohana wrote notes on the chart, thinking of the situation. "Well. We can find out who the father is possibly-"

"Really?"

"ahem, in the last trimester."

"Oh..."

"Definitely when the baby is born."

"ACK!? Trimesters? That sounds Contagious!"

"You really are blond." she sighed, writing more notes on the chart, "What do you know about pregnancies other than it means you're having a baby?"

Matsumoto sat there with the deer in the headlights look upon her face. If she said what she thought, it probably was most likely the wrong answer. Unohana looked up for a few moments and smirked at her look. "Right. So here is a helpful start, though. You can write down the names of the men you've had intercourse with. Please be sure to exclude the women, vice captain Matsumoto. You don't have to do this now. I would like to see you in a week to do more analysis to make sure all the blood work is in check. Alright?"

Matsumoto nodded, placing her fingertip on her chin. There was something she was forgetting, but she couldn't quite remember. The news of being pregnant was hard enough, trying to remember something, not as easy.

"Ah, yes. Matsumoto. Here is your medical note. Please be sure to give it to your captain"

Unohana stood up from her seat, lending the vice captain a hand to lift herself from the examination table. She gave a warm smile of appreciation to the captain.

"Oh. Captain Unohana." she hesitantly said with her hands crossed behind her back, "What should I expect? What's going to happen? How am I going to look when this...this kid grows inside my perfectly flawless body?"

She smiled and handed her a small book about pregnancy which explained the changes, mood swings and different trimesters. Puzzled as she took the book, she looked back at the captain with her head cocked to the side. "You wouldn't happen to have a visual or hologram I could watch? I just...I really read a lot of papers all day and would enjoy something to watch. You know?"

Unohana sighed slightly to herself then remembered that yes she was the vice captain of the paperwork squad. Giving her a gentle smile and a stroke on her head, she handed the buxom blond a holosphere. "This isn't like the book, but you will get a great deal of information. You're free to go now Matsumoto."

Shortly after her departure from 4th division, she decided to take a stroll to some scenic areas taking everything in. She was going to be a mom, a real mother to someone. She sighed slightly as she sat along a bench looking out upon the lake. Her mother wasn't around much during her childhood so she did the best she could for herself, even when she developed her figure during those awkward teenage years. Placing a hand upon her stomach, she began gently rubbing in a somewhat self comforting way thinking about her years growing up.

"Well, looks like you'll be with me for a while little one, "she muttered to herself, attempting to look down at her stomach only to find her breasts would not allow it, "I'm not going to be like my mom at least, I'm going to be here for you. Dammit this is going to be hell giving up my sake and having my stomach swell...and finding your damn daddy. I just hope and pray I didn't sleep with that Zaraki when I've blackout a few times. Gawd I hope not, though I don't remember ever slipping out of any 11th division quarters, which is a good thing since they're all brawns and no brains and we can't have that. I'm blond enough for that. Oh oh...ugh!" She held her stomach tighter and leaned over the bench. Apparently morning sickness did not limit itself to the morning as it should state with its name.

"Kid...when this is over with...ugh...we're seriously gonna have to...ugh...talk..."

A few hours later, Matsumoto opened the door to th 10th division to find a certain white headed captain fast asleep at the desk. This was so perfect. And here he was sleeping on the job while she was always the one being lectured about sleeping. Smiling evilly, she slammed the door, watching as Hitsugaya lept 5 feet in the air from the chair

"WHA? WHO's There?"

"I see someone is sleeping on the job" she mentioned crossing her arms in front of her bosom, "you know this is the perfect time to lecture you on how it's very important to keep up on paper work to take the work load off of the commander. But since you're sleeping and managed to get the stack down about halfway, I guess I can let you off the hook this time. Maybe you'll respect my position a bit more now."

Hitsugaya sighed, gathering the stack of papers with his cold stern demeanor. "I thought you were taking the rest of the day off?"

"I am. I'm giving you my medical papers from 4th division like you requested and since you're so adamant about paperwork, I thought it would be best to bring it by today."

Hitsugaya began reading the paperwork as soon as she handed it to him, careful to read each word carefully. He quirked a brow as everything turned out normal except hormone levels which equated to him as a cycle, but the vice captain he remembered from earlier today wasn't the same Matsumoto he has been working with for quite sometime. She lowered the paper from his eyes, holding one of his hands as she gave him a serious look. This wasn't a good sign and with the incident from earlier today he didn't know what to expect.

"Captain Hitsugaya..." she sighed, "it's...it's a complicated time right now and will be. Captain Unohana did find something which is a lot to take in right now. I still haven't fully grasped everything that's happening."

She sat down upon the back still holding his hand.

"Captain...uhm...well...I'm pregnant..."

'WHAT?!"

"yes"

"You're Having a baby?!"

"yes, Captain"

"Who's the Father???"

"Uhm...I don't know..."

"...seriously...?"

"Well you see, you know I like sake and I-"

"I don't need all the details on your sake escapades. Do you have any idea who the father is?"

She sat for a moment thinking. "Well... I know he's a man."

"Matsumoto..."

"I know it's not 11th division or 12th or even 2nd since they all wear masks... well maybe one could be, but mostly kinda not"

"ok...that leaves only 10 divisions left."

Hitsugaya sighed, his eye twitched narrowing it down to 10 divisions made it easier, but including it also made it more difficult at the same time.

"Oh and sometimes I go to the world of the living to drink too."

"WHAT?!! YOU'VE GONE TO THE REAL WORLD TOO?!?! HOW TO YOU EXPECT TO FIND THE FATHER???"

The short captain found himself face to face, 2 feet from the ground, with a very angry and furious, not to mention hormone driven, woman burning holes through his ice composure. "YOU THINK THIS IS EASY FOR ME, LITTLE BOY!!!"

"...i'm sorry matsumoto..." he said in a tiny cricket voice, "i'll help you find the father...and if not i'll act as the father ok?... please don't kill me..."

To her pleasure she smiled and dropped him from her grip. "Really, Captain? Aww I love you!"

Hitsugaya sighed with half his face in the blond's cleavage again. If only he had known what he was getting himself into, he would have signed up for sewer cleaning duty for 4th division instead of agreeing to that. Oh well, there's no turning back now.

* * *

and it only gets better as the trimester chapters begin...next chapter LOL! 


	3. Chapter 3: The great disturbance

_Disclaimer: i do not own bleach nor their characters. But I do however enjoy poking fun with this story. And also adding some humor to all the romance stories with bleach. So here it is, chapter 3. Enjoi_

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They sat in the office with the look of shock and horror on their faces. Matsumoto's hands were shaking at the mere thought of what she had witnessed on the holosphere: The Giving of Birth. Hitsugaya sat in shock too, he did not realize just what his mother went through to give him life. 

"Matsumoto...was that a-"

"Yes..."

"And you're going to be-"

"Yes..."

"That means..."

Matsumoto began crying at the horrors of child birth. The agony, the pain, the swelling of the stomach, the stretch marks, the bloating, and the stretching of her...the cravings? Matsumoto stood up from the couch, shaking her fist.

"By the Dead King... I WANT SOME DEEP FRIED PEANUT BUTTER OREOS WITH FRIED PICKLES AND ONION DIP!"

In a blur, Matsumoto was gone out the door, leaving behind only a trail of dust and a confused captain. Hitsugaya sat dazed and confused by the holosphere and by Matsumoto.

"If that's what a man and woman have when they get drunk", he sighed, holding the sphere, "then maybe I should like boys when I grow up. They don't get pregnant." He went back to his desk and started to write down notes.

_10th Division_

'First Trimester: Strange Cravings..'

_Cafeteria_

Matsumoto stood in line at the cafeteria looking at all the food which was spread in a nice assembly line this time, her lips moistened as she imagined different combinations. A bowl of Ramen with chocolate sauce with pizza bread sounded good. Oh Sashimi with a bed of peanut butter rice with Duck sauce glazed atop sounded even better. So many choices, so much food, so many cravings.

_10th Division_

'...sudden mood swings'

_Cafeteria_

"WHAT?!" she yelled grabbing the cook by his shirt and damn near pulling him over the counter, "You mean to tell ME there isn't any more PIZZA BREAD in the BACK?!?!? You BETTER FIND ME SOME QUICK!! I'M HUNGRY!!!!" She released his shirt then smiled like a girl scout her arms folded behind her, and in the cutest of voices "and could you pwease find some creamy peanut butter too?" escaped her lips, confusing not only the cook, but everyone in line with her. She turned to look around seeing all eyes on her. "What are YOU looking at??" With that, everyone proceeded back to their normal lunch room activities, careful not to say too much too close to Matsumoto.

_10th Division_

'...hormone changes'

_Cafeteria_

No sooner did the cook leave and everyone else return to their normal routines did someone accidentally bump into Matsumoto while she was still waiting. She turned to the source of the bump, infuriated that someone had the audacity to invade her personal space. Taking full stance she turned to find an Adonis standing before her, a scared Adonis, but one nonetheless in her book. She jogged her memories and remembered he was one of her more frequents she enjoyed quite well in the bed. Grabbing him by his collar, she smiled devilishly, letting the tray stay on the stand behind her. "Hey, you. I remember you," she said, that feral glare in her eyes started to glow brighter, "you're coming with me. Right now. No questions asked. And you better have plenty of energy." He had no time to protest as she took him hostage by the collar and kidnapped him to her quarters.

_10th Division_

"Yep" he said, leaning back in the chair for a moment, "that seems to be the basics. Though I'm not sure what to do now...maybe I should ask Hinamori" He toyed with the thought for a few moments longer before making his executive decision to talk to her since she had known him the longest.

Hinamori and Hitsugaya sat on a random rooftop looking at the sky. His mind raced not knowing what he should do or how he should proceed with Matsumoto's delicate 'condition' as he had not been around many pregnant women. This made him feel very much like the child he was. Hinamori placed her arms around him feeling his concerns.

"Matsumoto is going to have a baby, huh? It's not that bad. She just can't do a lot of strenuous work nor go into combat. You don't have to worry, Shiro-chan"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya"

"Well, whatever. What are you so concerned about?"

"Uhm...well...besides her having a baby...it gets more complicated. She doesn't know who...the dad is...and I agreed that if we don't find the dad that...I will...father the child..."

"WHAT!?" Hinamori smacked Hitsugaya in the back of the head, "What are you THINKING? That's a big responsibility! Not that being captain isn't responsible but...but...You're still a KID and Matsumoto is having a BABY! A totally Dependant entity! Think about the diapers, the crying, the burping, the feeding, the spit ups"

"You sound Jealous, Hinamori"

"I am...NOT... Jealous!"

Hitsugaya sighed again, lounging on his back to look at the sky to let his mind drift from his worries and concerns. He didn't know what nor how, but Matsumoto's father needed to be found quickly as Hinamori reminded him of babies and diapers. Something that could defeat even the greatest of Captains, except Unohana. If 4th division could clean sewers, a baby diaper would be an easy feat. He sighed again turning to Hinamori. "What do you think I should do? She's hormone driven, moody, she starts freaking me out with crying and trying to shove some kind of food down my throat that nothing is meant to eat. I think she even tried to GROPE me. Hina, help me please."

"Well...since you asked so nicely Shiro-chan-"

"It's captain-"

"Whatever. If you want my help," she sang taunting him, "you'll have to deal with Shiro-chan for at least 9 months"

"ok fine"

"Aaaaand, you'll have to go one a few dates with me in the real world"

"ok ok fine. Just help. Please?"

Hinamori smiled devilishly, rubbing her hands together in a sinister manner. "I have a plan. Just get some rest. I'm sure Matsumoto is getting...rest..."

"Hina"

"Shiro-chan. Trust me."

The following day, all of soul society was in an uproar. A large group of men gathered at the post board talking amongst themselves about the spectacle on the poster. Hitsugaya was curious to know what had gathered the men in such a manner. "Alright, Everyone back to their respective divisions" he commanded, dispersing the crowd with mutters and sighs. His eyes widened as the poster was revealed after the last group of men dispersed.

It was a poster of Matsumoto in a very...suggestive...position with the twins, of course hanging out. Below the picture the words: 'Great News. Matsumoto is pregnant. But we don't know who the father is. If you think you're the father, just see her at 10th division or 4th division for blood test' appeared below.

"HIIIITSUGAAAAYAAAA!!!!!"

He cringed hearing his name called all the way from inside 10th division. All the blood from his face rushed to his stomach, his face turned blue and his hair suddenly fell in fear of what was to come. Matsu-zilla at the office on her rampage. Sometimes he wish he would have stayed home instead of becoming a soul reaper then captain. Things would have been so much easier compared to now.

* * *

Who should the father be? I know there's a lot of people for Gin (though the baby would look freaky) and Hitsugaya as you should know is out. Check out the forum "Bleach Stuff" and tell me who the father should be and give a little reason why. Make it interesting folks! 


	4. Chapter 4: FILLER!

_Disclaimer_: You insert it here

* * *

Shuuhei sighed walking through the woods. Matsumoto was now pregnant and there was no telling how many times or what exactly they did after 15 bottles of sake. He needed to slow down, but it also needed a drink to numb his racing mind. And to deal with the pressure of filling in for his missing captain. 

As he entered the bar, he noted all the faces around drinking. This place is packed he thought looking at all the men from different divisions, minus 12th division. Finding an empty chair at the bar, he positioned himself at the bar, looking at the tender. "Ah, Shuuhei. I good to see you again. You're lucky. I saved your favorite bottle of sake tonight." The bar tender pulled a sake glass from the heated water, wiping it dry with a cloth before positioning it and the bottle of sake in front of him. "You know, we're almost out of sake tonight. Seems there's talk about your friend, Matsumoto, and something about her being pregnant."

"Yeah" he said taking his first gulp of sake, "It's the news around Soul Society."

"Almost every man in here, aside from the old, the ugly and the regulars, are drinking away talking about Matsumoto"

"Another bottle of sake please, tender" a patron called out. He nodded, turning to his stock of sake. Shuhei looked to the source of the voice recognizing that voice. Could it be?

"RENJI?!" He shouted.

Renji's shrunk to a foot tall, slowly turning to Shuuhei. He could see the fire burning in Shuuhei's eyes. "You!? You knocked up Matsumoto?!?!? I Thought you were GAY!!"

"Hey!!" He responded, balling his fist and grabbing Shuuhei's shirt. "I am NOT GAY!! I'm 100 MAN!!"

"Yeah, Byakuya's Man. Or Should I say Bitch?"

"WHY YOU!!"

Outside, Hitsugaya emerged from the woods, panting part of the ways as he managed to escape from Matsumoto's rage after asking how the paper work was going. After a day of crying, screaming, puking in the waste basket, not to mention she somehow conned him into rubbing her feet, he needed a drink. As he closed in on the bar, Men started pouring out from the bar. Hitsugaya quirked a brow wondering what could have ran all the men out of the drinking hole, til suddenly.

"BANKAI!"

Ripping through the roof of the bar emerged the infamous baboon snake king bankai of Renji and a small vice captain who still held his Zanpokuto in its sealed state. He laughed as Renji tried to slap at him with his oversized whip. "Overcompensating for something Renji?" He taunted. The two would have gone futher until a Hitsugaya stepped between them.

"Renji! Seal you bankai!! You two, down here, NOW!!!!"

The pair of vice captains stood with their heads down as captain Hitsugaya began chastising them.

"Use and release of Bankai is strictly forbidden unless during war times! You know this Renji. And You destroyed a bar which now the repairs must come out of the mission budget! What's gotten into you two!?"

They hung their heads even further. Hitsugaya sighed knowing there's only one reason this whole situation could have esculated which revolved around a certain big bosomed blond. "Fine. Then you're punishments will be as follows. Renji. I am going to get clearance for you to go to the real world and buy chocolate, pampers and whatever else Matsumoto craves."

"WHAT?! But...But..."

"No Buts! You knocked her up, you could share some of the responsibility of dealing with her like I have to." He turned to Shuuhei, "As for you. You will massage her feet, massage her shoulders and help with her paper work."

"Paperwork? Massaging her feet? But Captain. My Division."

"I will not accept any excuses. I'm the one who has to clean up your mess, so this is the least you can do."

Renji sighed fearing what would lie for him in the real world. Shuuhei's punishment seemed less harsh, or so he thought. That night Hitsugaya, very upset still, managed to write his report of the incident at the bar, get clearance for Renji to go to the real world and sound a step in for Shuuhei's division. He sighed a bit, relieved that at least now he didn't have to share all the burden of Matsumoto. His moment of peace soon came to an end as a pair of ginormous breast smothered the back of his head. "Matsumoto. Chest"

"Oh sorry captain." She backed away and hugged him lower this time. Her spirits were high and perky. "Captain I just want to say. I love you. And I'm so happy you're helping me through this pregnancy. And I want to thank you for the chocolate, the pickles and for making Shuuhei rub my feet and back. It feels so good." She kissed him on his cheek and skips out the door. "Gooodnight, Captain" she sang as she closed the door. He sighed to himself, thinking how he will never understand women.

* * *

_World of the Living_

Renji sighed in embarrassment. He didn't know where to get these pampers nor did he think it was right he was to do such a choir. Don't women normally do this he thought to himself, steping into Urahara's shop. He pulled his Aviator glasses down slightly, looking about the shop. It seemed it was empty at this point. Making his way towards the back, he found the gang in the sitting area talking amongst themselves.

"Hey if it isn't freeloader, Renji" Yoruichi remarked turning the other's attention to the door. Renji jumped a bit upon hearing his name. "What brings you to the world of the living dressed like a hippie?"

"Hey, I read these were in style"

"yeah, last year."

Renji blushed brightly noting his multicolored patch work pants fitted tightly in the crotch area along with his fitted smiley face tee. He sighed hating this moment, but orders were orders. "Uhm. Yoruichi. Can I speak with you a moment...in private?"

She nodded, getting up to head to an empty room. Renji nervously looked behind him, making sure that no one was following, especially those loud mouth brats. Carefully he closed the door, locking it behind him. "Well come on. I don't have all day." She crossed her arms, expecting some news of a big war or even a greater evil approaching to destroy the city. Instead, she found herself looking down upon a groveling Yoruichi.

"Please please please please please Yoruichi help me"

"Eh?"

"I'm being punished. And I have to get these things called pampers... please help me and please don't tell Ichigo."

"Pampers? You mean baby diapers? What in the world? Who'd you knock up kid?"

"Renji quivered even more hesitant to say the name. "M-m...Matsumoto..."

Yoruichi laughed hysterically. Did she hear this right? Did Renji actually knock up a woman. Renji looked up at Yoruichi, his eyes began to flame with anger at her laughing. "Stop it. It's not funny. I may be the dad, but we're not sure"

She wiped the tears from her eyes, still chuckling at this news. "You mean to tell me...you're not gay...AND you somehow managed to knock up Matsumoto? Boy she must have been extremely shit faced to sleep with a sissy boy like you. Haven't you heard of condoms?"

"For the last time I am NOT gay! And how would you know how she is when she's drunk?"

She quirked a brow at him and smirked.

"You mean?"

"Ah, whatever, freeloader. How far along is she and why are you the one picking up diapers if you're not sure you're the father?"

"Punishment. Captain Hitsugaya caught Shuuhei and I as we were fighting at a bar. We kinda destroyed it. And Shuuhei has the lesser punishment of massaging her feet and giving her back rubs to calm her down. Please, Yoruichi. Help me. What are these pampers?"

Yoruichi smirked. Helping Renji off the floor. "I'll help you under one condition."

"Anything."

"Anything?"

Renji gave a nervous smile knowing that Yoruichi could conjure up sadistic and evil conditions as well.

_1 Hour later_

Renji silently cursed as he wore a pink apron, washing a mountain of dishes. The rest of the household layed back on the floor, their stomach full from a great meal. "You're doing great Renji. Keep that up and you may actually earn a paycheck"

"Why do I have to wash the dishes?"

"Because" Urahara said, closing his fan, "you need our help for knocking up Matsumoto. You need to get pampers, we will help you. But you have to earn your keep first. Understand?"

Renji grumbled, scrubbing the dishes vigorously.

_Meanwhile in Soul society..._

"Shuuhei, my back hurts so much. Can you please help make it better? And bring some chocolate too?"

Shuuhei cursed to himself thinking how much better Renji had it compared to being Matsumoto's personal slave and dealing with her outburst of tears, and temper tantrums. She even tried to con him into having sex. And when he refused, she threw a desk chair at him. By the time he arrived in the room with her chocolate, she was already half naked again.

"Oh, Shuuhei, you won't refuse me again will you? Chocolate isn't enough to satisfy my little...sweet tooth" sue purred, licking his ear lobe. He sighed again thinking that this was going to be a long and hard punishment. Matsumoto grinned, taking him by his collar and throwing him on the bed. Straddling him, she dug her nails into his chest a bit, giving him a primevil feral grin. Sweat rolled from his brow as she began to undo her top. "No screaming now" she said, throwing her top towards the wall, hitting the light switch off.

_This is going to be a long night. I wish I was Renji, lucky bastard_

* * *

Just a little filler to keep some of you guessing and a little filler entertainment. :D 


	5. Chapter 5: And it gets better

_Heuco Mundo _

He sat with that grin on his face, casually zipping through different cameras set throughout Hueco Mundo. With the simple click of the button, all visuals went dead on the screen as footsteps stopped just behind him.

"Gin." Called the voice, ever so gently, "what exactly were you doing?"

"Oh lil ole me? Nuthin much, Aizen. Just takin' a lil peek in Soul society. Looks like it could be good news a stirrin about and the men folk are in an uproar. But it's nothing to be worried 'bout. Just breezing through checkin' on things."

"Oh? Now what would have the men of Soul Society in an uproar."

"Seems ma ole friend Matsumoto's gotta little bun in the oven."

"She's pregnant." Aizen regarded, taking a small sip of his coffee. Gin began to smile even more, even showing a bit more teethe this time. "Dats right. I could be a papa"

Aizen quirked a brow and finished another sip of his coffee trying to imagine Gin with a kid by Matsumoto. "You...actually did it...with Matsumoto?"

Tilting his head in his evil innocent foxy manner, he nodded a bit still 'looking' to Aizen. "A man's got needs, don't he?"

"Oh boy. A kid by Matsumoto with your smile. Scary." He stood silent for a moment looking out the window of Hueco Mundo. The desert was always dark yet beautiful in its desolate manner. It was an escape that no one had imagined, so peaceful, tranquil and yet sinister. It had Aizen written all over it. Looking back at Gin, he raised another question. "So, when exactly did you slip out to 'bang' Matsumoto? And don't give me that story that your Zanpaku-to stretches more than the blade."

"Oh when Matsumoto gets a goin on that sweet water, she ends up in many places. Even 'tween soul society and earth."

"You bang her at the inbetween dimension? Seriously, you could have gotten a hotel room in the living world. I'm glad I don't have to walk through there...no telling what's 'there'."

Gin simply smiled as Aizen shook his head, tending to business with his Esperas

* * *

_Soul Society_

"Why am I getting big so quick? At this rate I won't be able to get my figure back! Oh Why me?" Matsumoto whined as she looked at her stomach quickly swelling just after the first trimester. It seemed her hormones, though always raging, were more on edge this time than usual. She had constant cravings for chocolate, sashimi, cheese burgers and double dark chocolate ice cream with white chocolate chips, all the while gaining a considerable amount of weight. Unohana smiled gently gesturing for her to have a seat on the examination table. "We shall see what is going on. I'm going to have my assistants get the equipment ready so we can see what is going on internally. Don't worry, Matsumoto. Everything will be ok."

"But I'm gaining weight."

She simply gave a warm smile while gently stroking her head for reassurance. "We will find out. In the meantime, can you please put on these patient clothes and lay back on the examination table. The nurse will be in here shortly."

She nodded and changed as soon as Unohana left. Her belly felt so big, even though she just grew 3 inches in the waist. Sighing for a few moments, she focused her eyes on the ceiling in deep thought. 'Hitsugaya's doing all my work, Renji gets me whatever I want, Shuuhei does...a lot more that I enjoy. But I can't quite remember who else I've been with? There was the hell gate experience...but who was that? Ah well...at least it's not Ishida. I would hate to have a fairy for a father. Hmmm...who's the tall dark guy that's always with Ichigo? Oh well I'll figure it out soon'

* * *

_The Living World_

Ichigo yawned having completed yet another day at school. The days seemed to get longer and longer since acquiring his Shinigami powers again. One day he would have to thank Urahara, but not anytime soon. He still owed him 500 yen. 'Oi, Chado, Orihime. How's it going?"

"Ichigo-kun!" she called in her always cheerful manner. Chad simply nodded, carrying his pack over his shoulder. "Ichi-kun! Urahara said he wanted to talk to us. Come with us!" He sighed "Ichigo, you should really come with us."

"GAH! Rukia!?" It seemed she appeared from thin air from behind, dressed in her school girl uniform as well. "You shouldn't leave peopel behind at school. Now come on, we're going to the shop."

"Alright, alright already I'm sorry. Lead the way"

Upon arriving to the shop, Ichigo noticed a nice sparkle to the place. "Ah. Looks like Renji's here."

"Ah yes, indeed he has. He has a debt to pay off." A voice from behind spoke. The group jumped, then realized it was Urahara himself.

"HEY! What's the deal with everyone sneaking up on me today?! Is it 'scare Ichigo' day or something?! That's why you don't have any customers whenever we come here!"

"Temper temper Ichigo." he taunted, as he fanned himself.

Ichigo just snarled as Orihime stepped between the two of them. "Urahara-san. Why did you want us to come here?"

"Ah, I'm so glad you asked. Well we are.." Urahara closed his fan, raising his hands above his head in his every so flamboyant fashion, "THROWING MATSUMOTO A BABY SHOWER!"

"WHAT?!?!"

* * *

_Soul Society_

"WHAT!?!?!"

"Yes. It sounds like there are two heart beats"

Her whole world was suddenly shifted upside down and to the left hearing this. It couldn't be possible. Twins? Her face looked as pale as a ghost as all blood had abandoned her body and her chest moved rapidly trying to catch her breath, grasp it all. "Tw-tw-TWINS!?!?"

Tears well in her eyes hearing this. The nurse went in for an embrace, thinking that she was overjoyed at this news. Instead a piercing whine echoed throughout 4th division followed by "I'M GOING TO BE FAT FOREVER!! DAMN YOU SAKE!!!!"

"H-h...Matsumoto?" A familiar voice called from the door, cracking it slightly. She lept from the examination table, belly fully exposed as she opened the door to meet a very scared looking Shuuhei crouching down slightly. She embraced him, nearly smothering him with her ginormous breasts. "Oh Shuuhei I'm so sorry. I may be carrying twins, it's such a cruel cruel fate."

"mm mm smms mdmam mmm!!!"

"What?"

"MMMM!!!"

Looking down for a brief clueless moment, she peeled Shuuhei from the clutches of her bosom to make out what he was saying. His eye had a hint of pervertic mild shock as he almost got smothered in breasts. Not a bad way to go, but still. Shuuhei jumped away from Matsumoto gripping his fists in fear "What are you trying to do? Kill me with your Ginormous BREASTS?!"

"eh? You didn't complain last-"

"HEY! Alright alright. I'm sorry." He reached his hand out wtih a letter contained in it. "This came for you marked urgent. I don't know why, but it said urgent so Captain Hitsugaya instructed me to deliver it immediately."

She took the letter and carefully opened it, still listening to Shuuhei's rambling. Her eyes traced the letters on the page.

_Dear Matsumoto,_

_I'm hearin' you got a lil bun in the oven. You know we had ourselves some fun a month ago in that place 'tween soul society and livin' world. Jus' lettin' ya know, might wanna see if it's mine._

_Love, ya baby daddy,_

_Gin_

_PS I got you a lil ole gift_

Matsumoto's mouth dropped and her stomach churned. She actually did it with Gin? At The Inbetween Dimension?

"Oh, and this box came too." Shuuhei handed her the box that came just after the letter.

Carefully, she opened the package, not sure what it could be. Knowing Gin, it could be anything. Her eyes first laid upon a note which had the words 'One great night' on it. Then she turned 5 shades red seeing the what was underneath the note.

"Matsumoto? Are alright?"

She held her hands over her mouth seeing her favorite pair of things with the fluffy bow on just above the string only to be completed by several stains which she recognized from any of her underwear from so many nights. "Matsumoto? Matsumoto?"

"I think I'm going to be sick?"

"Wha?"

Before she could even get the next syllable out, Shuuhei was covered with a warm, unwelcoming wet sensation. She let out a sigh of relief. "Well, I feel a bit better now." she remarked, wiping her mouth on a clean part of his uniform, "I wonder if Renji can get me some more of that double dark chocolate ice cream with white chocolate in it."

"Did you just? You just THREW UP on my Uniform and all you can think about is CHOCOLATE?"

She gave him a puzzled at his expression. "I'm pregnant and it's all your fault so deal with it."

"MY FAULT? How's it MY Fault?"

Raising a brow and crossing her arms, she walked to the examination table and sat back down. Shuuhei blushed seeing parts of her breasts as she now realized that she was almost completely topless. "Uhm.. I think I'm gonna go get cleaned up now... I'll send Renji with the uhm... the uhm... ice cream for your breasts...I MEAN I MEAN...Uhm... BYE!"

She sighed leaning back on the examination table. "If those kids have Gin's smile, the time space continuum will cease to exist" she muttered to herself, looking at the monitor at the two small heart beats.

* * *

_(soap opera music)_ Is the baby's father really Gin or did he just get lucky at the Inbetween Dimension? Will the stains come out of Matsumoto's favorite pair of thongs? What secrets will be revealed at the baby shower? Stay tuned and vote on who the baby's daddy should be 


	6. And the Soul Society Nominees ARE

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of bleach. Enjoi_

I would like to thank makokashi22 for this idea. You rock man

* * *

_Living world_

"WHAT? You actually DID it with a girl? MATSUMOTO AT THAT?!" Ichigo let out a belly busting laugh as Renji grumbled under his breath while cleaning. He gritted his teeth looking to Yoruichi

"I thought you weren't going to tell Ichigo? You PROMISED!"

"Eh?" She cocked her head to the side, giving her a chest shire cat smile, "I didn't. I held my end of the promise. Now if Urahara happened to tell Ichigo, that's clearly outside of the relmifications of my promise."

"stupid stupid big mouth stupid carrot head" he muttered heading off to another part of the store to clean.

"Renji MAY be the father, we don't know yet. But. That doesn't mean we still can't throw a baby show for Matsumoto." Opening his fan, Urahara began to fan himself as the group looked in surprise. Rukia clinched her fist, storming over to to Renji. He looked up to meet the burning eyes of Rukia. Swallowing hard, he prayed that some hollow, some major catastrophe, something would happen to save him. "YOU GOT MASTUMOTO PREGNANT!?!?

"Rukia. I-I-I can explain."

* * *

Soul society

"Wh... What's going on?" The entire 10th division was outside the quarters, some laid cross the banisters outside, some drinking loads of sake and others so any feet from the central office, gasping for air. Hitsugaya stood eye level (in a sense if you're bending down) to his 9th chair member. "What's going on? Why is the ENTIRE squad outside?"

The man gasped for air then looked to his Captain. "Matsumoto, Captain..." were his only words. A sudden wave of fear came over him. He didn't know what to expect at this point and approached the office with caution.

Before he got within 10 feet of the office, he noticed a peculiar smell lingered around. _Maybe someone ate something bad or a practical joke was played_ he thought to himself. With each step the smell became stronger and stronger.

Reaching into his pocket for a handkerchief he opened the door to find a slightly swollen Matsumoto burying herself in paperwork. Looking at the door, she smiled to Hitsugaya.

"Matsumoto! I thought I told you I would take care of the paperwork."

"Ah... you did say that didn't you?" Rushing over to him, she embraced him into her humongous breasts, "I just couldn't help myself I was bored so I thought why not help my captain out by actually doing some work. I can't keep sitting around in my quarters all the time, I'm bored and need something to do."

"msrh smmm gmmwoff" She pulled his face from her breasts smiling at him. "What was that Captain?"

"Go to the real world. There's stuff there to do."

"Oh yeah. I could do that and..." They were suddenly interrupted by a small noise which caused Matsumoto to blush. For a few minutes neither of the two spoke until an ungodly smell hit Hitsugaya's nose, causing him to gag. "Oh sorry bout that. Unohana says it's normal part of the second trimester. Whenever I eat I get sudden waves of gas. But It doesn't smell that bad to me, hehe."

Bad was an understatement. It was horrid, so much to the point where Hitsugaya had to quickly excuse himself from the office, shutting the door quickly as he flash stepped to the front of the 10th division gates.

Desperately he gasped for breath as he leaned on the posts that held the gates up.

"Captain are you alright?"

"That...That INHUMANE SMELL!" where his only words as he gasped for air.

"Idunno what the big deal is" she muttered in the office, diving back into her work. Looking at her list of possibilities, she blushed to herself in embarrassment as she began to read the list of names.

_Hisagi Shuuhei_

Shuuhei laid in his bed happily sighing as he didn't have to wake up to Matsumoto this morning

_Abarai Renji _

Renji was busy being punished by Rukia.

"Oi Renji, haven't you ever heard of condoms?" Ichigo teased, still laughing at him.

_Ichimaru Gin _

Aizen looked to Gin, shaking his head in disbelief. "I still can't believe you knocked up Matsumoto. How do you expect to see the kids if they happen to be yours?"

"Ah well ya know how it goes, gotta knock her up then knock 'er out, I recken" he sand with his smile.

"If they are your kids, I hope they have you eyes."

"Aww Aizen. You ain't goin' sweet on me."

Aizen rolled his eyes, walking to his chambers.

_Kyouraku Shunsui_

"This is why I tell you about your extreme consumption of Sake and laying around. now you could have children on the way. What are you going to do?" Shunsui sighed as he let Nanao lecture him, drinking his sake quietly.

_Kira Izuru_

He sat with his head in his arms crying. "GIN is gonna KILL me!"

_Ukitake Juushiro_  
_Kuchiki Byakuya_

The two sat drinking their tea. Ukitake smiled at Byakuya. "And here I thought you were gay." Byakuya sighed, placing the cup gently upon its saucer. "That's hardly humorous. Why does everyone think I'm gay. I'm a widower."

"You have a hot headed vice captain who greatly contrasts your personality."

"He's a formidable fighter and rallies the division members."

"He has a hot, tattooed body."

"..."

"Ah. I struck a cord didn't I?"

Byakuya's gaze did not shift, even with the simple quirk of his neatly manicured brow. "Then what is your story? I thought you were too sick for much activity." Ukitake laughed while holding his cup in mid air. "Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I can't get it up. I am a man who likes women too you know."

"And here I thought you were in love with Shunsui."

With that the duo went silent, simply drinking their afternoon tea as they sat on the patio of the noble house.

* * *

Matsumoto sighed as those were the only people she could really remember from soul society. "Now for the Living world suspects..."

There could have been more from soul society, but it could have been a black out night. Touching her swollen belly, she for the first time smiled gently thinking of how she could raise them, even if she didn't have a father. There was always Hitsugaya who could add children as another notch on his belt of achievement. Smiling evilly, she wrote another name on the list.

_Hitsugaya Toushiro_

Hitsugaya panted heavily still catching his breath. One of his team members got the bright idea to hit him on the back to help him breathe moments earlier, which they found ice really CAN burn. i I cant wait for her to not be pregnant /i He thought, taking in deeper breaths.

* * *

Yeah I think this is going to be interesting though this chapter is kinda blah. I think it's the hunger. Well FOOD TIME! 


	7. Yet Another Filler Or Mayby not

_Disclaimer: I do not own bleach, I just used the characters. _

_A/N: I know I know I've been on a hiatus. With summer time and work and personal stuff (like writer's block) I've been having a drought. So I decided to make a small filler and hope that more inspiration hits with the Bleach eps I've seen so far that center around Matsumoto being...more human like. I hope you enjoy and again, sorry I haven't updated a lot. And sorry in advance if this chapter seems a bit fillier-ish and blah_

* * *

"OOOh I just love shopping in the living world. Who would have thought that they have so many CUTE clothes for pregnant women! I bet they even have special creams to keep my skin looking flawless. OOOOOH! I so love this" Matsumoto happily waddled her way through the shopping district stopping as best she could. Even though her stomach was quite swollen at 7 months, she seemed to have an almost unlimited amount of energy when it came to shopping, making it nearly impossible to keep up with her. 

"I don't get it! How did I get suckered into carrying all these bags? Why...not RENJI?!" The bags dropped revealing a very irritated Ichigo. "I can understand Renji doing this, I could understand anybody else. HELL even Ishida with his fairy tendencies. But I am NOT a shopper, so why am I here?"

She turned her head to him for a moment then stuck her nose in the air, walking to the next store. "If you dad hadn't taken advantage of me when I was tipsy maybe YOU wouldn't be in this situation."

'But...but, that was my DAD'S fault, NOT MINE!"

She stopped and sighed, placing a hand on her belly and another on her forehead in the crowd of people. "Oh Ichigo, you're so horrible to me. I'm carrying your future siblings and you're causing so much stress on me." A crowd began to form around the two, most of which were eying Ichigo as Matsumoto continued. "I work so hard, give so much and to be carrying twins. I'm shopping for their well being and all you can think of is you you you."

"But I...Hey, I never said that. I just-" He looked at the now angry mob forming, consisting mostly of soccer moms. "You don't even know if they're my siblings!"

"Oh, how horrible that you deny your own siblings yet to be born!" Suddenly Ichigo's world grew very dark as the soccer moms and proud fathers began beating him into a pulp, Matsumoto simply smiled, filing her nails as she walked to the 'Baby Gap' store. "That'll teach you to underestimate the power of a pregnant woman as beautiful as myself. Ah, now if you are boys, you need to have matching outfits, but if you're girl..."

* * *

_Heuco Mundo_

"Gin, you're preparing a room? You don't even know if they're your kids." Aizen sighed watching one of the empty rooms being turned into this extravagant baby room, designed courtesy of Szayel Aporro the designated Fairy designer in Heuco Mundo. "Well the lil' one need a place ta be, and who better than good ole daddy, hmm?"

Aizen sighed again, watching him go overboard with all this designing of the baby bedroom, bathroom and closet (a walk in closet for babies was just too much).

"So...how do you plan to get her here?" Gin snickered the simply smiled. "Well dat be a lil secret o' mine. But I'm sure she be delighted."

"I don't know what's worse, her possibly being pregnant with your kids or your bad grammar." he trailed off, going back to building his army. "Aww how sweet, Aizen, you is gone soft on me."

"Gin-sama. What do you think about the rising sun theme for this side of the room to offset the moonlight that comes in through the Shinto style windows? I think it would be absolutely fabulous and add a Gothic chandelier and to add the Hueco Mundo affect, how about the double ended chicle just for effects only. Oh and a few glowing crystals and-"

"OOh wee, all dis talk 'bout decoratin' got me a lil dizzy headed. I think Imma head out for a lil fresh air" Szayel Aporro simply shrugged going back to his decorating ideas for the baby room. And just for added affects, he added his own twisted bit of 'flair' to the room, Hueco Mundo child safety approved of course.

* * *

_The Living World_

"BWAHAHAHAHA, You got beat up by a bunch of Soccer Moms?" Ichigo sat grunting to himself at Urahara's shop as Matsumoto went through all the clothes with Yoruichi who seemed somewhat interested. "Shut up, Baka. They're worse than fighting hollows!"

"That should teach you a lesson next time, Ichigo." Urahara closed his fan and smiled, pointing in his direction, "Never make a pregnant woman upset. Or any woman for that matter." He simply grumbled to himself, holding a pack of ice over his eye.

"Well, looks like I need to head back to Soul Society. Ichigo, thank you so much for being a sweetheart today" She gave him a small pat on the head receiving yet another grumble from the beaten Shinigami Representative. "Oh well. At least today I can find out who the father is, provided that everyone gave blood at least. Oh well, I'm off. I'll be back for all the baby clothes, accessories, my clothes, charms, jewelry, hair product, oh and-"

"Alright, we get it!" She gasped as if surprised and offended that they even dare interrupt her during her rambling. She gave a small shrug and slight smile

"Sheesh, such a hard crowd. Oh well, be back in an hour. Bye bye now" She disappeared through the hell gate, giving relief to the room.

"I hope it's they're not my kids, Rukia would KILL me."

"They're probably not considering you're gay." Ichigo teased back through the Ice pack.

"I am NOT gay! I'm a manly MAN!"

"Oh, you could make a good man's man, Free loader-san" Yoruichi teased back. Renji balled his fist, gritting his teeth as she crossed her arms with that catlike smile of hers. "Anyways, Free loader-san, you still have chores."

* * *

She slowly walked through the Inbetween Dimension, thinking back to the 'gift' she received from Gin. As disturbing as it was, she though for a very very brief moment maybe Gin wouldn't be bad as a dad. Then she thought back to that smile and bad grammar, and the fact that when he opened his eyes it was creepy like old man with a cane stalker type creepy. Just the thought sent chills down her spine. 

In the distance she could see Soul Society. It was just a small walk, but with the weight of twins in her belly, it felt like a mile away. She sighed, walking further towards the light. Suddenly a noise could be heard from behind, like a rip in space or a needle on the record, a sound she recognized all to well. Trying desperately to hurry a head, all she could see what the light of Soul Society, then darkness.

She awoke in a place in a strange place, mostly black and white, cold to the gaze of the eyes. "Where am...ow my head..."

"Aww, Matsumoto. Didn't mean ta rattle ya up there. Jus' didn' think ya come along wit' out a lil ole persuadin'." She turned her eyes to the source of the voice and held her head. "Oh kami. It's...It's you afterall, Gin."

"Is dat any way ta be treatin' lil of meh?" She simply groaned, laying back on the bed hoping that this was all just a bad dream or that the pickle and hot fudge mint ice cream she ate was giving her a bad halicination. Either way, this was all bad.

* * *

_I hope this wasn't too bad of a filler. Hopefully my writer's block will break soon and I'll be able to pump out more good chapters. Oh yeah, and the father shall be revealed insert dramatic music here_


	8. Almost the moment youve been waiting for

_disclaimer: I don't own bleach, I just play with them. I know I know I've been on a hiatus, but...I'm back for a few more rounds. Enjoi _

* * *

"We have an Alert in the human world!!"

"What is it? Another Arrancar?" Kon calmly walked over to the monitor which was buzzing various annoying noises. It was one of those days he wished that he didn't stay up late researching the local girl's ling...ahem...the soul society research Catalog. But alas, Murphy's law did apply (and he wish he knew this Murphy so he could give him a piece of Zanpakuto. Note to self: Look for this Murphy soon), and he was stuck with a situation on his hands.

Gazing at the screen his eyes widened. "It's...It's RED!! Quickly, Alert Captain Hitsugaya and his team in the living world! We have a situation on our hands!!!"

"Kon. Wh-what is it?"

Kon's face went a few hues lighter as he looked at their location. "It's...the Espadas...AT THE MALL!!!"

All of 12th division was in an uproar. Espadas at the mall could only mean one thing: A Fashion BATTLE!

* * *

_The living world_

"Bah, why do we have to come to this stinkin' place and buy that preggy shinigami ice cream and stuff? I'm a Espada, DAMMIT! I wreak havoc and destroy thing not...not...GAH!!"

"Quit complaining, Grimmjaw. At least you didn't have to walk into the maternity store with a bunch of emo fanboys and fan girls following you."

"BWAHAHAHA, you have fan girls? BAHAHAHAHA, they're probably Yaoi fan!"

Ulquiorra simply sighed in embarrassment as he carried 2 huge bags of maternity clothes along with a large bag of baby clothes. Normally he wouldn't be caught dead in such a trashy place as a high traffic mall full of endless money sucking stores, tourists and crying babies, but with the orders given by their superior, Gin, he was forced into the worst situation: Shopping for baby and maternity clothes with pregnant soccer moms and emo kids hoarding around him. Hopefully they would be spared any further embarrassment as they endured this grueling experience in the human world.

"At least I have fans amongst these humans and could get laid if I wanted." he retorted back to Grimmjaw before disappearing into the baby section of the Disney store.

* * *

_Hueco Mundo_

The moonlight of Heuco Mundo illuminated the castle walls ever so perfectly, setting the mood for the occasion in a dark humor manner. Aizen strolled along the corridors chuckling with each step as he heard pleads to be released. "I told him so," he chuckled, walking passed Gin's quarters. It hadn't been 24 hours yet and already he could just hear the regret in Gin's tone as he pleaded.

"Matsumoto, hon. Please let lil ole me go. Mah pelvis is a hurtin'. Please, hun, Ah do anythang ya say, please."

"Oh noooooo, Gin. You kidnapped me on my way home, knocked me out, bring me to this...this PLACE. And heaven forbid YOU MAY HAVE KNOCKED ME UP!?!? Ohhh, you will PAY if these are your kids. And you will NOT deny me SEX at the most CRITICAL TIME OF MY NEED!!"

Aizen nearly chocked on his last sip of tea hearing this only to snort in pure humor as moments later rushed from his quarters, bracing his entire body against to door to hold back the pregnant monster on the other side. "GIN! Let me out this INSTANT! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!! WHEN I GET OUT...oooo, chocolate fried pickles. I forgot these were still in here."

Gin shook in pure horror. Never before did he expect that Matsumoto, HIS Matsumoto would be such a monster at this point. He even wondered if the kids were really his. "See, that's why they make these things called condoms, Gin." Gin nearly jumped out of his skin hearing Aizen's voice.

"Aizen ole friend. Can ya help me? Ah don know what ta do."

"Get a literature book. It will help."

For the first time ever Gin frowned, opening his eyes wider looking at Aizen. "Ehk, please Gin. Don't frown or open your eyes. It makes you look even creepier."

"Aizen, Ah'm serious. Ah don know if those are meh kids."

He took another sip of tea, contemplating a solution for the situation. If they were Gin's kids, it would mean further discord within Heuco Mundo, not to mention actually changing diapers. An idea Aizen greatly detested. On the other hand, if they weren't Gin's kids and they did dispose of Matsumoto and the kids, there would be even further backlash as they would be invaded by a hoard of Soul Society too soon to complete his plans. Not to mention discord amongst his ranks as well (not to mention cancel his plot of the show). They needed to find the father soon and restore order to this anarchy. There was only one solution.

"Gin. We're going on a talk show to determine who the father is."

"But what if Ah'm tha papi?"

"Gin. We will set it up to where it won't." The frown on Gin's face soon turned back to its usual fox like smile. This was the absolute perfect plan. At least he could pacify Matsumoto for the moment. Still he planned to see if he truly was the father or not, despite Aizen's plans otherwise. "Oh and Gin. Put on some bottoms. I don't care to see every part of my subordinates."

* * *

_The real world...at the mall_

Hitsugaya and his team arrived at the location of where the Espadas were detected. This was bad. Not only had his vice captain disappeared, but now the Espadas had arrived far earlier than expected. "Abari, Madarame, Ayasegawa-san, I've located them! Ichigo is!"

Upon arriving to their location they were greeted by the oddest of sights. For some reason, Grimmjaw had managed to tick off a bunch of pregnant women hitting a number of large bags and such atop a blue haired, partially boned mouth kid in front of the Kids-R-US store with a laughing Ichigo holding his stomach. For the next several moments the group watched in amazement as an army of women were single handedly defeating a high level Arrancar. And Espada at that.

"OW! Stop-OW! HEY! OUCH! Stop it I SAID!" Grimmjaw gave a loud fearful howl, the air around him swirling in pure, chilling the air around him. The force started to build around him, only to be subdued by a simple kick to the groin, causing him to fall quickly to the ground with his hands holding his precious jewels.

"Serves you right trying to steal that toy from a kid! You should be ashamed of yourself! HMPH!" The group of women disappated, heading about their way. Ulquiorra simply sighed, giving a cold, emotionless glare to the group of Shinigami which arrived.

"Great. As if shopping for that woman and witnessing human mothers defeat an Espada wasn't humiliating enough, the Shinigami have arrived. I've had enough for today." Taking his finger to an empty space, he slide it along seemingly nothing, opening a gate to Heuco Mundo.

"Hey! What are you-"

"Come on Grimmjaw. We're suffered enough humiliation for one day because of that woman."

"That woman?" Suddenly it began to make sense to Hitsugaya with Matsumoto's disappearance and the Espada's appearance at the mall buying...baby clothes? "Get back here and FIGHT! What have you done with Matsumoto?"

"Hmph...you will soon find out. I'm sure trash like you, Ichigo, would enjoy it anyways." Before he could leap into Ulquiorra, he along with the beaten Grimmjaw disappeared leaving them at the mall. "SHIT!"

"Mushi mushi...uh huh... Paternity test? For Matsumoto? A talk show?! I have to- ...okay. I will report back immediately."

* * *

The Next Chapter: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! Who will be the father? Will it be Gin? Renji? or even ICHIGO'S FATHER? MWAHAHAHAH! Stay tuned 


	9. Father Revealed! After the break

_Disclaimer: Yes you know I don't own them, I just play with them. Enjoi_

* * *

"Welcome to another addition of the BLEACH TALK SHOW!" The light flashed brightly as cameras rolled, focusing on center stage as the curtains opened. The audience roared hearing the voice of the announcer, taking their cue to applause, happily awaiting their host.

"And here's your host. The creator of the Espadas and the scourge of Soul Society, ex-captain of the 5th Division, Aizen-sama!" A silence came over the audience at his appearance. Even the crickets were silent as he stood looking about the audience in their silence. "You better clap dammit if you want your checks!" The audience then went into a fit of applause (fake applause) for their host.

"Ahem. Thank you, Thank you all. On today's show, the question that's been burning in our minds for months now will finally be answered: Who is Matsumoto's baby's daddy? Everyone please welcome, Matsumoto Rangiku." The audience howled and clapped as she waddled to her seat, sighing heavily as she leaned into the seat to sit. "Now Matsumoto. Tell us. How did you end up in this predicament?" She cocked a brow at him and sneered. "How the HELL do you think?!"

"Er uhm...never mind then. Well, we did something about that for you. We're going to find your baby's daddy."

"What really? How? And keep in mind, just because you're doing this for me, Aizen, doesn't mean we're friends."

"Hmph...that we can agree upon. Anyways." Taking out a small piece of paper, he waved it for a moment then looked to the audience. "We took the list that Matsumoto made-"

"HEY! Where did YOU get THAT?!"

"Security!" Two Arancars rushed out from seemingly nowhere, holding Matsumoto in place. "As I was saying. We took Matsumoto's list of possibilities, contacted them all and gave them all paternity tests. Today we will find out who the baby's daddy is!" The crowd gave another cheer, watching as each of those on the list came out on the stage. " Please welcome to the stage, my subordinate's former subordinate. From 9th Division: Vice Captain Shuuhei." Taking the stage in his quiet manner first was Shuuhei who waved to the crowd first. "And next, all the way from 6th Division. The red headed tattoo wild man: Vice Captain Renji" Renji looked to the lights, growling at their brightness, looking about until his eyes hit the other side of the stage. The two of them stopped and eyed each other.

"I always thought you were gay and now those pants confirm it!" Pointing to Renji's pants, Shuuhei along with the rest of the audience burst into laughter. Even Aizen gave a small chuckle looking at what appeared to be girl's jeans. "Hey! I'll have you know these are the IN thing in the living world. And it takes a real man to wear girl jeans! Control Top boot cuts are bringing sexy back!"

"Sexy enough for a woman, gay enough for a man."

With his fists balled, Renji made an attempted to reach for Shuuhei but quickly found himself restrained by a few medium level arrancar.

"Now now, girls, can't have a cat fight just yet. We still have other guests." They found themselves on the opposite side of the stage, still baring their teeth at one another, but quickly they calmed down as Aizen called the rest of this guests. "All the way from 3rd division, please welcome Vice Captain Kira." Slowly Kira walked into the stage and sat between Renji and Shuuhei.

"You mean you slept with Matsumoto, too??" Renji scratched his head in disbelief as Shuuhei laughed. "Yeah she kinda...well raped me." At this the both of them laughed hard. "You actually got raped?? What was she drunk!HAHAHAHAHA!!"

"ooh, looks like the testosterone level is rising. Alright, moving right along. Please put your hands together for mysterious cherry blossom petals of 6th division, Captain Byakuya." Cherry blossom petals flowed mysteriously into the studio, following the luscious Byakuya as he entered. Several fan girls began to squeal, almost fainting as he looked in their direction. "Man, Renji. Your captain knows how to make an entrance."

"Yeah, just like your former fox smile captain knows how to make an exit."

"HEY!"

"I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin."

Byakuya stopped shortly of Aizen, giving him an emotionless glare. "Soon enough, Aizen, you shall pay for your treachery and betrayal. Until I am ordered to, however, I shall remain neutral for this show, especially to see if I am the father of Matsumoto's child."

"Hmph, ever bit the stiff as ever. Anyways! And joining Captain Byakya is captain Juushiro and Captain Shunsui." One of the stage hands rushed quickly up to the stage, whispering into Aizen's ear. "Well, looks like Captain Juushiro is ill and couldn't join us today. As for Captain Shunsui...he's too drunk to come on the show. Yes suspicious I know. Alright, moving along, welcome former 3rd division captain, and my subordinate, Gin!" The crowd went to a silent hush as he walked on stage. "Wha tha? No fans for lil ole me?"

"Well uhm...I kinda left them outside. They were sorta freaking me out." Gin turned in Aizen's direction and gave a cheesy smile, causing the audience to scream in horror and the Soul Society members to cringe. "Aww, Aizen, don't be a lil hata, alrigh?"

"Gin. Your slang pass is revoked. Get over there and sit." Gin shrugged and sat next to Kira, giving him a "cozy" smile. Kira shook nervously, praying that Gin wouldn't "shoot em down". Aizen gave a shiver at the next name.

"Next up, we have...former 10th division captain: Kurusaki Issin." As usual, Issin ran out on the stage, strinking a pose as he sat in his seat. "...and last but most certainly not least, current 10th division captain, Captain Hitsugaya."

The crowd howled and clapped, seeing the collective young captain ake the stage. "I don't even know...Matsumoto...how the?"

"Well uhm...you said you would be the dad if I couldn't find the daddy and well...ehehe..." Hitsugaya's eye simply twitched as he took his seat. "...Matsumoto as the captain of 10th Division--"

"Yes we've heard it too many times before in the show. So now. I'm going to present the results. Right after these commercial breaks."

* * *

_Shinigami Illustration_

Holding his fan in front of this, Urahara couldn't help but let out a chuckle as the rest of the shop burst into laughter in front of the television. Yoruichi sat in at the table with them giving her usual, giving a wide chest shire grin. "Oi. Looks like this is a great talk show. You're recording this right?"

"Yes. All the better to remember this moment in history. Looks like we'll find out the baby's daddy after this break."

A/N: Oooo yes I know I know, tease tease tease. Don't worry, the daddy will be revealed this week, I just ran out of energy. In the meantime, still having votes for the baby's daddy until Friday afternoon (that's when all shall be revealed) Cheers


	10. The Finale: THE FATHER!

_Disclaimer: As always, I don't own bleach._

A/N: Wow over 100 reviews. All I have to say is thank you all for reading this story, for your supports and cheers. I've enjoyed this just as much as you have and hopefully I can do it again in the near future. And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for. The father of Matsumoto's baby. There has been a long hard battle over who the father should be, and now it's down to three. Well...you'll have to read to find out who the real baby's daddy is. Enoi

* * *

"welcome back to the show, ladies, gentlemen and Arrancars. Before the break, we introduced the likely candidates for Matsumoto's child. Now Matsumoto, do you recall all of these, how you say, encounters?"

"WHAT!?" Matsumoto jumps up, clinching her fists as she slowly tried to make her way to Aizen, only to find that she was again, restrained by mid level Arrancars. "This is a talk show you know. What would a talk show be without a little drama or a story?" The audience applauded at that. Then Aizen stood up, rubbing his hands through is hair looking out upon the crowd.

"Alright, alright, I know all you audience members, viewers and readers and tired of the wait. So, the Results are in!" Cheers, applause and the looks of anticipation washed over the studio and viewers as well. "Now for those who are not the baby's father will be asked to leave to their respective destinations. Mainly because its my show and I will do as I please." Aizen took the first envelope and looks about.

"Ok, in the case of Matsumoto's unborn child, Renji you are...not the father of Matsumoto's child."

"YEEEAAH!!" Renji jumped up and down rejoicing at the news. "No more going to this store for shopping or going here for food or making midnight runs for food. Yeah baby, I'm in the clear, woohoo!!"

Shuuhei folded his arms across his chest, cocking a brow at Renji's celebration. Giving his cocky smirk, he leaned back in his seat. "Well, just goes to show you, that you're too gay to get a woman pregnant."

"SHUT UP YOU SON OF A-"

"Renji..." He stopped dead in his tracks at the voice calling his name. Turning his gaze to his superior, Byakuya, he calmed down immediately. Byakuya flipped loose strands of his hair over his shoulder, crossing his leg. "That is quite enough, Vice Captain Renji. We don't need further embarrassment in the public eye. Report to the Hell gate."

"Yes, Captain." Reluctantly, Renji stood by the hell gate as Aizen took a second envelope and began reading the results. "Byakuya. To answer the question if you're gay or not, the results said yes. Oh and also, you are not the father of Matsumoto's baby."

With such aristocratic grace, Byakuya stood from his seat, quite repulsed by the first tests results. "Hmph, I am not in the meaning of any dictionary gay. I happen to uphold a very 'metrosexual' image which reflects upon my noble house, that test is invalid. Though it saddens me that I am not the father of Matsumoto's child, I am however relieved that I can continue my duties in Soul Society and put this matter behind me." Walking ever so smoothly (along with those annoying cherry blossom petals following him) Byakuya approached the hell gate to join Renji. "It seems this day has been more embarrassing for the both of us." With sparkles surrounding his angelic face, his eyes met the rough gaze of his vice captain. "Come, Renji. We have to prepare for the following winter and I have other matters to attend to."

"Erh uhm. Yes, sir, Byakuya." With a small tilt of his head and a smirk, Renji followed behind Byakuya into the hell gate.

"Yes well. Tests don't lie. Now then, moving right along. Kira. It seems that you too are not the father of Matsumoto's child." Kira didn't even give a speech to the news, only let out a sigh of relief as he disappeared through the hell gate.

"Well then, Isshin. I'm glad to say that you are not the father of Matsumoto's child."

Issin stood, balling his fists angrily. "What's that supposed to mean, Aizen?"

"Oh, thank goodness." Matsumoto turned and smiled at Isshin. "As much fun as you are, I have to say that I am relieved that you are not the father."

"But...But Moto-"

"You already have 4 kids as it stands already. And besides..." Aizen slyly motioned to an image of Ichigo on the big screen behind him, "I have to deal with that Ichigo boy of yours soon. Another spawn from you is the last thing I need. Now off to the hell gate with you."

"I don't live in Soul Society 'genius' I live here."

"Oh well... yeah. Go home, you're not the dad." With that Issin was 'kindly' thrown out of the studio to the streets. "I'll have my day with you yet, Aizen!"

Turning back to the audience with a certain sparkle about his face, Aizen began opening another envelope envelope. "Now then-"

"Aizen-sama. We have a situation on hand." Aizen turned his gaze to one of his most faithful Espada's, Ulquoirra, who appeared in a certain amount of distress. Aizen cocked a brow at Ulquoirra. "Oh? And what situation is it that you cannot handle?"

Ulquoirra motioned to Matsumoto being held by Shuuhei as she held her stomach while letting out a cry of pain. "Aizen-sama. I believe the shinigami female is going into labor."

"What?! Nonononono. This is MY show. She canNOT have that child here on this show! I'm not even finished!" In a slight panic, Aizen looked to his subordinates. "Get that woman to the hell gate!"

Hitsugaya rushed to Matsumoto's side, unsheathing his blade. "You shall not touch her whatsoever." Looking over his shoulder, his eyes met with Shuuhei with an urgency quick apparent in his stern gaze. "Vice Captain. Please take Matsumoto to 4th division quickly. I shall follow shortly."

Shuuhei nodded, gathering Matsumoto carefully in his arms while biting back the pain of her nails digging in his arms. Gin held his arm out, signaling the arrancar's to stand down. "Well, well, lil Hitsu. Look like mah Moto is havin' dem lil ones. I wanna see ma kids and if it means gettin passed ya...well look like I gotta shoot ya d-"

"Gin. Let us return to Heuco Mundo." Taking his finger, he waved in the air, opening the portal. Gin frowned looking back to the hellgate as Shuuhei and Matsumoto disappeared. "Ah well, ya got lucky, lil Hitsu. Bes' believe I'll be around ta see them babies." Taking his place in the portal and Gin smiled at Hitsugaya, giving his usual wave. "Bye Bye."

* * *

Nervously Shuuhei paced about the waiting area at the 4th division hospital. There was still the question of the babies were Gin's or not. He shivered picturing twins with eyes and hair with Moto's smile. Or even worse, Matsumoto's hair and eyes with Gin's fox like smile.

Hitsugaya sat silently with his arms crossed, his eye twitching every time Shuuhei paced too and fro."Will...you...-"

"Captain Hitsugaya. Vice Captain Shuuhei." Unohana emerged from the delivery room, taking off her surgeon's mask as she approached them. Her face, peaceful and angelic, eased the tension which was building in the waiting area. The two of them stood bowing in response to her graceful bow. "The delivery was successful. She gave birth to a healthy boy and a healthy girl." She stretched her delicate hand and placed it on Shuuhei's shoulder, giving him a more radiant smile than before. "Vice captain, Shuuhei. You and Captain Hitsugaya may see her now." The two men looked at one another then nodded.

Upon entering the room, they were greeted by the sites of a happy Matsumoto, feeding an orangish blonde baby while the other baby lay closely in a crib beside her bed. Nine months of mood swings, cravings, worries, drama and, of course, puking and still she held a glow about her. "Hey Matsumoto. How are you feeling?" Shuuhei scratched the back of his head nervously as she looked up.

"How do you think I feel? It's all YOUR fault!" Her expression suddenly changed from angelic to angry within seconds of seeing him. His eyes widened in shock, realizing what she had just said. 'His' fault. Carefully stepping to the crib, he smiled seeing a sleeping little baby with black hair and a normal mouth. "You mean...I...we?"

"Yes, Shuuhei-kun. She's OUR daughter. And this is our son." Shuuhei gently lifted the baby from the cradle and held her in his arms. Hitsugaya simply turned to leave them in privacy. "Taicho." Hitsugaya turned back to Matsumoto. "I think I speak for myself and Shuuhei when I say...we would be greatly honored if...you were the Godfather of our children." Shuuhei nodded in agreement.

"Heh...I would be honored." The three shinigami smiled basting in the moment until...

"...what's...that smelll?" They turned their eyes to Shuuhei's arms, upon which the girl gave a shreaking cry, joined by her brother.

"Uhm...I have captain business to attend to. I will leave you two alone."

"But...wait. You can't-"

Using flash step, Captain Hitsugaya left the new family to their new arrivals. Arriving in his office, he found Himori standing in front of his desk.

"Momo?"

With eyes welling with tears, she ran to his arms and cried on his captains coat. "Toushirou...It's BLUE!" Suddenly the day was getting much much bleaker

* * *

A/N well it's ended. it's finally come to an end. I would like to thank all my fans for all the help, and the few angry flamers who gave me even more motivation to finish. I know it's not the ending you hopped for, but...I wanted to go this route instead. Thank you all and maybe I'll write the sequel when I find time between rugby, school and work. Maybe I won't. Who knows? As always: Arigato Gozaimosu! 


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